Thursday, August 11, 2011

Help find Holly her Mr. Right!

So in light of the recent activities in my life, I'm really ready to get back out there and find Mr. Right!! But, I need some help. I can't do this alone (I've been trying, it doesn't work)  I haven't been out there in so long.  I don't know where to start any more.  I don't know where to go, who to talk to, what to wear, how to flirt, how to pass along my number, hoe to let someone know I find you interesting.... these are the things that use to come so easy to me but know they are like foreign language.

So I am asking all you blog readers out there for some much needed help, advice, direction, etc.  Help find Holly her Mr. Right!!  It'll be a challenge as I'm sure most of you are already saying "Gosh Holly, I just don't know any single men anymore."  Well, that's not gonna work for me bc as it turns out, I don't either,and you are all I have to help, so....

I need to start dating again.  I need to meet single men who are ready for a relationship, not a roll in the hay.  I don't want to hang out at a bar or pick up some guy while strolling the frozen food isle, and I don't want to walk around wearing a sign that says I'm available!

So here's what I want from you:  Start looking around for some great single men you can introduce me too, or vice versa.  You can host a dinner party, you can set up a double date, you can do all sorts of things!  Ok, sure, maybe you don't know any single men yourself, but what about your husband?  Does he know of any from his job, the gym, or your Church?  If that doesn't work, maybe you have some suggestions as to where I could make some new connections -beyond that standards like Church (I'm already trying this one & it's not going so well yet).

My boss even mentioned that maybe I should join a Wine Tasting Class or something -which is not a bad idea but that requires I have a stand-by sitter for Sophie -which I don't have either - will work on this!

Ok, so there's the challenge.  Let me hear what you got!  I'll try to blog about it as we walk through this journey together....

My adventures in dating... Part 6

So last night was pretty awful. I'm I've only know Mr. D for a little over a month but we talk every day and some of our conversations are pretty cozy -Like, he will tell me how great it would be if he could be here to hold me in his arms and fall asleep together -- Who says these things?  I've warned/asked him in the past not to say such things until he knew for sure what he wanted, and so I suppose by him saying them still, I took it that he knew what he wanted... Me.  Guess that was wrong!!

So I get the text messages yesterday at work.  I can't remember if he calls me or if I call him but either way, we talk for a short while about what happened the night before.  Somewhere in all this, he get's hung up on me offering him a way out early into this "relationship" and how easy it was/is for me to walk away -- HOLD THE PHONE BUDDY -- I try to explain how it was more of a coping mechanism on my part then anything else and that I do have feelings that have started to grow for him (definitely not the LOVE feelings -waaaay too soon for that!).  I tell him I don't feel comfortable trying to "convince" him to choose me, that I feel he should already "want" to choose me, especially given the situation and our past conversations but that it is ultimately up to him.... blah, blah, blah.  We hang up and my stomach immediately starts to hurt and I head home around 3:30.

I'm a thinker -- all I do is think about a situation.  I will replay every word, every action, every emotion -- It's awful and I can't stop myself from doing this!!  I even go as far as turning the radio up as loud as I can just so I can't hear myself think, sadly this too does not work. I wonder if this is why I took to drugs and alcohol so easily in my younger years.  I do not do well with "feelings".

So I get home and decided to call him again.  Not that I want to talk about this current issue, I just want to talk, to hear his voice I so enjoy listening too.  It's almost like getting a tattoo -you know it hurts, yet you do it anyway!  So we chat, and it's nice, its comforting (to me at least) and then he gets a phone call coming in, said it was work and that he needed to call them back.  I say "Ok, call me when you are done" and he has this tone like, please don't let me go so quickly, so I say "I only said that bc you said you had to call work" to which he says "I know I do, its work."  So I again say "So, call me when you're done and we'll chat for a little while longer", to which his reply is something like "Ok, I will (but with gusto in his voice)."

A little time goes by and he's not calling me back.  In my now slightly inebriated state I decide to send him some play full text messages -- like a picture of me with the caption "R u gonna call?", a picture of the dress I had all picked out for our date night, a picture of the 1/2 gone bottle of wine I had saved for our date night, blah, blah, blah.... Either way, it didn't work! 

By this point I am feeling completely defeated -well, maybe not defeated, more like Not Chosen, second best, over looked, not good enough, blah, blah, blah.   All of which are pretty awful to feel like. So I talk with Mom, I talk with Julie, I even talk to a few friends throughout the night and I still fall into this utter self depression.  I haven't visited this place in such a long time -six years at least!

But at around 8:30 pm, I find I have a text from Mr. D.  I missed when it came in as I was wallowing in self pity and didn't notice the chime of the phone.... He says "Sorry by the time I got off the phone I was almost here.  Talk to you soon."  What?!?!  What in the world does this mean?  Does this mean what I hope it does, that he has decided to leave this other girl and focus only on me??

NOOOOOOOOOO!  It doesn't.  Why do I say this with such emphasis?  Because he hasn't texted and/or called since.... It's now 8:30am!!  I've sent him a couple of texts last night and once this morning -all light hearted and easy going -all with the same message of "Please call me".  We will see what happens.

Plenty of things could have happened last night.  Here are a few of my favorites: 1) He could have made up with her and stayed the night with her (my personal opinion). 2) He could have broken up with her and stayed at a hotel and was just too tired to call from the long drive and/or fight he had had and fell right to sleep. 3) He could have broken up with her and driven back to his house and was just too tired to call from the long drive and/or fight he had had and fell right to sleep. 

He told me once that he does better in a relationship then out of one, so with this in mind, I believe the first option is what took place.  I believe it took place because I'm too new and that scares him too much.  I believe he chose to stay where he felt comfortable but not completely happy.  I am still the unknown to him and that poses a possible threat -would this work with Holly, would she be this way even after 6 mo, a year, would we still get along after a fight, would she....  Sometimes the "would she's" are just too much for some.  I'll keep you posted if something changes but I have a feeling that that was the last of Mr. D.

SIDE NOTE:  I've lost a total of 12 pounds since my vacation in July!!!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

My adventures in dating... Part 5

Well that was short lived!  Apparently it wasn't as special as I thought it was.  Man, that kinna sucks.  I'm thankful for the time tho;  It brought me back from, well, where ever I was, dying alone.

I got the "I'm just confused" line and also the "I know what I want, I'm just having a hard time" bit.... What?!?!  What does that even mean?!?!  I can tell you this much -Mr. D -is not so "D" anymore!  I knew he was talking to another girl, but he also explained that it was not serious.  I also know that he and I talked 120% more often then he did with this other girl, so it's really my fault, for assuming, that that meant he was leaning this direction!  Ug.

I feel like crap after all this this afternoon -- we had big plans for this weekend to hang out and have dinner, possibly a movie -but not now.  Now he's headed straight home, "I need more time."  I'm tired of waiting just as well -I was ready to move forward with putting a label on "us" and not worried about who knew, or who didn't.  So I suppose this is good....

Now to get back out there and find Mr. R (Mr. Right!).  Please, Lord, help me here!

Yours Truly and Utterly Defeated,
Holly F.

Monday, August 8, 2011


Yes, I Have...

The instructions with this are to bold the ones you’ve done, leave the others in normal type. So here goes.

1. Started your own blog (um, yes…)
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower (though I never see them!!!)
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain.
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked

23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill (teehee!)
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29 Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33 Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo's David
41 Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight (one of my favorite things ever!)
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets, or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66 Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle 
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican 
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life (I have a kid under 5, every day I do this!!)
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a lawsuit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
Your turn!

My adventures in dating... Part 4

So things have been going great!  Mr. D and I decided (tho I thought it was already decided) that we would take things slow and wait to see how thing progress on their own, naturally.  This is good news for me -but I think I'm past just wanting to be friends!

Anyway, Mr. D had last Friday night off (his kids were suppose to come for a visit but didn't) so he had the day free to do nothing -- He ended up going fishing and grilling out.  Since he's been working 12 hr shifts for the last couple of weeks with no days off, this was such a wonderful afternoon for him!  So that evening he calls me at around 11pm and we chat the entire night!  Around 5:30am his battery went dead and he had to move back to the bedroom area where the charger was (no signal back there) so we kept the conversation going until roughly 10 am by text!  We talked about everything, mostly about nothing special.  It was sooo nice.

Towards the 5:30 am mark he says to me "I think we need to talk." O'crap what now I think.  This is when the bad news happens, right?  Man, and I really liked him too! So I say "ok, what about." He goes on to tell me "I really like you" and I say, "Yea, me too" He says "no, I really like you"  Wow! sent me over the moon! So we go on to chat a little more about this and he says to me "I don't want to hurt anyone or make another wrong decision."  We go on and talk a little more about this and really what it comes down to is this....

Mr. D and I have met for all of 8 hours (if that) -all rolled into one weekend .  That doesn't offer a lot of time to see how compatible we actually are together.  O' sure, we talk all the time, we know we agree on the big issues, and even most of the small issues.  We know we definitely have chemistry but do we get along regarding the normal every day things like -dating? How does he react to someone cutting him off in traffic or having to wait for a table -- normal things!  It's almost like Internet Dating, he and I and just because you are great via phone -doesn't mean you will be in person, right?!?!

But there is good news... His job is ending this week so with this in mind I say "since your job is ending sooner then originally thought, why not come for a visit, maybe stay a day or two (at a hotel!) and we'll see how things go."  To which he AGREES!  He should be here towards the end of the week.  I'm so excited!

An actual date, like with  dinner, possibly a movie -it's too hot to hang out at the park and he doesn't drink coffee!  What kind of person doesn't drink coffee!?!?!  If you have any other "out of the house" suggestions for a date, please leave a message!!

Till next time.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

My adventures in dating... Part 3

Well, it must not have been as bad as I thought.  He texted last night around 5pm and we've been texting ever since -- feeling back to normal.  I had a few plans for the night as well, so I'm sure that helped me keep my mind not so focused on Mr. D. and I'm trying to keep busy/ier with Sophie being gone as well. In fact this weekend, I'm thinking of getting another tattoo -just a small one on my finger and I've started doing a few exercises.  I figure if I'm gonna find a man, whether it's Mr. D or not, I wanna look good doing it!!!

Back to Mr. D - I was happy to get his text last night.  Yesterday was so awful for me.  I was happy to know I didn't scare him off so easily, happy to know he really does like me, and happy to know that maybe there is something here after all. 

We chatted most of the night (I am so tired today!) and for a short while this morning.  He's sleeping now and has quiet a bit going on this afternoon, but we communicated about it and so hopefully my mind won't be running rampage over me.
On another note - I got a new phone!!  A Blackberry Torch.  Texting was getting so hard with my Samsung.  Before, I would lose connection, have to move toward a window, or worse, sit outside to chat by text or even to place a phone call.  And let me just say, sitting outside at midnight texting is no fun!  Thanks goodness for my dogs to keep me company out there!  The Torch has been a blessing so far... I love everything about!

More updates to come.... I promise I won't leave you hangin on this one... Bye for now.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

My adventures in dating... Part 2

Well here it is three days since and I've screwed everything up!  Why do girls do this, I do not know!!  I've explained to Mr. D. before that this was new to me, that it had been a while since my last dating experience, that I needed to take things slow, that I've not had a "grown-up" relationship before... but how can you stop your brain from telling you lies and feeding off your insecurities!?!?!  You can't, that's what I've decided.  I've tried -it doesn't work well for me.  I'm told this is normal and that every girl goes through this -some better than others. I clearly fall short here.

See, before we met  -he was quick to respond to my texts or phone calls. He was quick to make me laugh or to send me a simple "HI" but now, now that we've met -things aren't so quick.  We chatted Sunday on my drive home until I made it to the main highway and we've chatted every night since -but it's been very different, you can feel a distance -- Why?  What happened?  Was it me?  Was I not what he thought I'd be?  Is he regretting talking with me, with meeting me?  Stupid questions that won't stop!!  Might I add that it doesn't help that Sophie is not at home for a much needed distraction or hug!

Anyway, last night I went on a bit of a rant.  Not too bad, but bad enough to cause damage in a newly beginning relationship.   I tried to explain (by text mind you) that I felt like every time I wanted to talk (by phone), he was busy but rather then tell me he was busy, he just wouldn't answer my texts until a while later -and then still not call, only text. It came across to me as a bit stand offish, like maybe he really was changing his mind about me -which lead to even more insecure feelings, topped with missing Sophie -- never a good combination!  

He didn't communicate that he had gotten something in his eye the other day and needed to see an eye doctor or that he hasn't been able to catch up on his sleep since the weekend, or that work has been crazy busy for him... I didn't know these things bc Mr. D didn't communicate that with me, until after my rant.  I get that he is really tired and probably doing his best with what he has right now but either way, the texts were sent and I screwed up something that could have been...  What must he think of me now?  I know if I were him, I'd be thinking "what in the world have I gotten myself into?"

Oh sure he responded back to my rant with "Jeez you think too much and must not remember anything either" (he's referring to him coming for a visit after the job ends also referring to the fact that he does (or did) really like me too).  Also to follow was "We should wait to see how things develop, to see where they go naturally" -- which I totally get and completely agree with.  BUT why did I have to send those texts!!!  I keep going over them. They were reasonable, and very childish!  I 100% feel like I'm back in high school.  Had he just communicated with me a little better maybe I wouldn't have slipped over to the dark side but that doesn't matter at this point, the damage is done...

Maybe I am destined to be an old maid only to grow old alone with my child taking care of me.  One can only hope I have such a great out come!  Oh, well.  What can I do at this point?  

We did text a few times through out the night, light and simple -the way it should have stayed and I did send one last text this morning, apologizing to Mr. D for ranting on him like that.  He's asleep right now so I haven't heard back from him and to be honest -don't know that I will. 

What am I thankful for out of all of this... Great question.  I'm happy to know that that part of me didn't die, but rather has been reawakened and ready to get back out there and find love again. Not sure how to do this as I hate the dating scene but I want to be married, I want to start a new chapter of my life with someone special -is it with Mr. D., who knows.

To the gym I go!  I have a few loses ends to firm up!!

My adventures in dating... Part 1

I've recently started talking with this guy -a really great guy.  We'll call him Mr. D -for delicious!  Mr. D and I have been talking since the beginning of July, or thereabouts, and things have really progressed well.  We chat on Facebook, text or by phone every day. Our conversations have moved from "how is your day" to "how is your day" and we seem to be quite compatible on a number of important issues like family, marriage, children, etc...  

As things go, we agreed that it was time to meet in person ( we have seen pictures via facebook). After all, we clearly had chemistry by text/phone, it was time to find out if there was something more there as well. (You realize this is huge for me -esp since it's been roughly six, yes I said SIX yrs since my last date!!  I was reelin!)

SIDE NOTE:  The thing about Mr. D. is that he works out of town (alot).  He is currently working nights, which means he's awake when I'm sleeping.  Either way, I had some free time this past weekend with Sophie away visiting Aunt Julie's house (no school/daycare next couple of weeks, needed a sitter) so we decided I would come down for a visit.  Yes, I stayed in a hotel room -of my own.  Get your' mind out of the gutter.

Mr. D is currently working in Baton Rough, LA -an Eight hour drive from here to there.  I left really early Friday to arrive a few hours before he had to go to work that night.  He stopped by the room for an hour or so before and we hit it off right away!  We both agreed that there was defiantly chemistry and that the conversations flowed nicely between us. (I really like this guy!!)

Anyway, we visited each day over the weekend. He'd go to work and then come over to the hotel room in the morning and we'd spend the morning hours chatting, holding hands, even a little kissing.  He'd eventually need to take a nap before heading back to work for the night...  So sweet to miss all that rest for me!!  Did I mention that I really like this guy?  He'd get to work and we'd text all night long and in the morning still have plenty of conversation left.